Taken for Granted

Una dey well? Thanks be to almighty God! lol.. anyways I have another unloading to do my brothers and sisters.. don't worry this one isn't long, so stop the hyperventilating abeg.. ahn!ahn! haven't you heard that knowledge is power?? okay now you've heard.

So I decided to fast at least once a week.. lol why are you surprised, didn't Jesus fast for 40 days? and are we not supposed to be as perfect as Jesus is? so why are your eyes popping out?? don't worry, baby steps people, baby steps.. start by fasting till 12pm, then 2pm, then 4pm, then 6pm and drink lots of water ooh.. unless you are doing a dry fast. I haven't reached dry fasting yet, so I drink lots of water, notice I said water not liquids.. hehehe back to topic.

I woke up yesterday knowing that I had gotten God upset, really upset the day before.... hmm I have gotten to a point where I should know and behave better, so I saw this coming and fell right into it.. it's like I purposely sinned against him. At the time, I heard a voice in my head saying, don't you fear God enough not to upset him on purpose? and I was like I know I know, but God help me and then I heard "my grace is sufficient for you, you already know that all you have to do is tap into my grace and you can do all things" but of course I did not want to do the right thing so I did whatever I felt like doing. The next day I felt so bad because I let God down again.. these days it seems like I do that on a minute basis.. heavenly father please help me! so I decided to fast.. lol God is not mocked! as if that wasn't enough, I came to work and for some reason didn't go through with the fast.. call it longer throat, call it whatever, the fact is I let God down again. I went home not feeling too happy... I can feel it when God isn't too happy with me, things just seem gloomy, nothing makes sense to me until I am back where I should be..I also don't sleep through the night.. weird but true. I knew I had to get back on his good books and decided to fast today. This time, I actually thought I did it right, I woke up and prayed to God to give me the grace to fast and all what not. Came to work and broke my fast again!!

So what you broke your fast? some people might ask, but are you kidding me? who do you think God is?? haba! the alpha and omega, the one that is, was and is to come! how dare I say something to him and then back out?? am I kidding for real? what kind of fear of God do I say I have if I cannot keep to my word??

It's funny because I know God is telling me to be careful how I treat him... He is so up there and I am so down here and have to know and act like I know. He has been merciful, but now that I know better, how long will his mercies last "For him that knows to do good and doesn't do it, to him it is sin" but this is not even about the "not doing good" aspect, it's about the fear and respect that my father deserves. When I say I am going to fast or anything at all, I should respect him enough to know that I cannot and should not just back out because the condition isn't favorable... common God seeker, you can't even do this to your boss at work, so why God??

I don't feel as bad as I felt yesterday though, I feel this is a learning process, and it will only be a great mistake if I don't learn from this. If God is truly my master, my father, my everything then don't you all think I should act differently towards him? I definitely think so. I also know that by his grace I'd get there.

The more I surrender to God, the more I realize that my righteousness is but a filthy rag in his presence, which is okay because I have become clay in his hands and he will mold me into a vessel fit for his use.... I love you Lord!!

Okay so I get a little emotional when I think about how good God is, but at least we all know I'm not stone, so stop rolling your eyes jare and forgive the fact that this turned out to be long. Have a blessed night and see you when I do my next unloading...